I can’t properly review a Catholic communion because I’m not a believer, and if I did take communion, it would really irritate the Catholics. More than irritate them, it would be a violation of holy law, so it would likely deeply offend them.
Now, I don’t mind irritating people, or even offending them, but only when they deserve it. They don’t deserve it, so unless and until I start believing in saints, I’m never going to taste Catholic Jesus.
Fortunately, there’s a solution at hand. A nice Catholic named Tarah has sent me a review! And I can pass it on to you. Here it is:
Catholic Jesus doesn’t taste that great. It’s a whole wheat wafer. The wine isn’t that tasty either; it’s box Gallo, probably. Go eat a Carr’s water cracker and some Franzia that’s been sitting out for an hour. I’m telling you this, because out of all the churches you were at, a Catholic church is probably the single one at which you would most hurt some feels if you eat and drink some Jesus if you aren’t Catholic. Do as you see fit; it’s not going to change the state of your soul or mine, bro. Just saying. I wouldn’t go out of your way for the culinary experience. There’s not even any brie.