Mars Hill Church

Mars Hill Church in Ballard, Seattle.

http://marshill.com/ballard

Hoo boy.

My visit to Mars Hill Church was emotional.  At first, I was in a bit of awe.  Overwhelmed, you could say.  Then excited about the music.  Then curious, skeptical, surprised by the sheer audacity, and finally, outright pissed off.  I left in a huff.

This. Church. Sucks.

They should change their name to Mar$ Hill Church.  It’s all about the money.

So, with that happy introduction, let’s begin:

I was a bit impressed walking into the place.  It was a big boxy looking warehouse of a place, in a fairly industrial part of Seattle near the channel that connects the Puget Sound and Eliott Bay with Lake Washington.  There are a lot of warehouses and docks and big rusty ships all over the place.  The area smells like something’s been sitting in seawater for just a little too long, and the seagulls are noisy and since they’re overhead, threatening a kind of rain you don’t want rained on you.

The inside of the building was rather nicely appointed.  A huge lobby, with a “bookstore” area that was actually a bunch of tables with books and prices on them.  Thirteen books for sale in all, and seven of them for sale by Paster Mark Driscoll, who according to a sign, was the guy who was going to be giving the sermon.  It was a series on the Book of Acts, and you could buy his book about it right there.  You could also buy two different varieties of bibles.

Well, I don’t begrudge a church selling books.  I mean, they have to do something to make a little dough, right?  And after all, what’s a church without a bookstore that sells bibles and other religious stuff?  And some of these were on sale!  It made me almost want to purchase one.  But I didn’t.

Then I walked into the Sanctuary, and the phrase “Holy SHIT!” popped involuntarily into my head.  I might have said it out loud, sometimes I do that.  It was huge.  Where the previous little community church I visited in the morning could maybe hold 70-90 people, this place could easily hold 400.  I was  a little early, and there were probably already 200 people in there.  It was loud.  It was darkened, and it was … hip.

Being here made me feel old.   Most of the people I saw were in their 20’s or 30’s, about 60% male, and many of them rocking side burns, horn-rimmed glasses and flannel shirts.  I was about to hunker down amongst the largest group of hipsters I had ever seen. For the record, I don’t have a problem with hipsters, and even though I throw that term out, I have to confess that I’m still confused as to exactly what it means.  But that doesn’t stop me from using it.

There was a huge sound and video pit, with some mighty modern-looking equipment.  There were tall round tables with barstools in the back near long tables that served genuine Starbucks coffee.  I know, because I had some.  But the most impressive thing in the entire giant room was the stage.

Or rather what was on the stage.  A drum kit, bass guitar, rhythm guitar, and lead guitar, with microphones and the whole nine yards.  I was not informed that there was going to be Rock & Roll.  But Rock & Roll there was.

crown-hill-rock-band

After a while, the band came out and started to play a hymn.  I sat down in the second row.  I wanted to get Full Frontal Fundamentalism, and so I sat close to the band.

They were pretty good.  Kind of like an amateur U2, if U2 did Modern Rock Gospel.  The Rhythm Guitar player was also the lead singer, and in between hymns, he read passages out of a bible.  There were no hymnals or bibles in the pews, but the words to the hymns were on big projection screens along with images of the band playing.  It was kind of fun.

After the band got done playing two (or maybe three) hymns, a “pastor” cam out and talked very briefly.  I put the word in quotes because although he referred to himself as “Pastor John,” he didn’t give a sermon.  He was there to introduce the guy who wrote all the books.

I was ready.  When John said, “Okay, that’s all I’m going to say, let’s get to it!”  I thought, “All right!”

Then, to my disappointment, the lights went down, and a big screen came down over the stage, and a video began playing of Pastor Mark.

A video.

The dude wasn’t in the building.  He might not have been in the same state.  Everybody else that I could observe was pretty excited to see his pre-recorded image though.  There was a cheer throughout the huge room.  I grumbled a little.

It became pretty clear, by the production quality, the fades and swipes, and other video tricks, and by the perfectly timed applause and perfectly timed laughter at his jokes that his “audience” in the video wasn’t really a church audience, although it was kind of designed to look that way.  I think someone was just off camera with an “applause” or “laugh” sign.

Update: I have been informed, in no uncertain terms, that the audience was an actual church audience taped live at another church.

So, what was Pastor Mark’s electronic message from God?

Well, according to his newest book, which he mentioned quite a few times, it was about the Book of Acts, describing the life of Jesus.  Which I must say, he did a very good job of summarizing and lecturing about.  If one believes that Jesus really lived, and if one believes that the Book of Acts is an accurate depiction of His life, than one could feel like one was participating in a very well presented lecture on history.  It was entertaining.  It was informative.  It was easy to watch.   I could easily imagine seeing it on the History Channel.  It was that good.

Update: I’ve been educated on the Book of Acts.  It’s not about the life of Jesus.  I was confused by this because  Pastor Driscoll  talked a lot about Jesus while also talking about Acts, and I didn’t follow his talk as well as I could have.

The first part of his sermon… the part about Jesus… lasted close to 40 minutes.  Here’s what I put in my notes about it:

  • The bible is the literal, ineffable, inerrant truth.
  • Luke, the author of Acts, was financed by Theophile, who was a great man because he gave a lot of money to Luke
  • Luke was kind of like an investigative reporter, and spent all of his money for the Lord, and was blessed by this act
  • Christianity is not a philosophy.  It’s a history.
  • Jesus has a mission for us.  We have to follow his mission.  His mission is to spread his power and glory by expanding the church.  Nothing else we do is as important as this.  This requires money.
  • Wasting the power of Jesus on things that aren’t worthy is bad.  Charity, for example, if it doesn’t advance the church, could be considered wasting the power of Jesus.  Spending charity on expanding the power and glory of Jesus is a good way to use the power of Jesus.
  • “Pastor” Mark stumbled over big words.  I don’t think he wrote that sermon.  I think he’s like a news anchor.  He pronounced “Syria” as “Sigh-REE-ah” after stumbling over it.  Dude.  Syria is a modern country and it was in the news on Friday.  You should know how to say Syria.
  • He doesn’t like Pentacostal people, and dissed Pentacostal women in particular, saying that they looked like they lost a paint gun fight.  By which I presume he means they wear too much makeup, but I’m not 100% certain.
  • He told an amusing story about Jesus ascending to heaven after having been resurrected, comparing that to when his son let a balloon go to see what would happen.  Everybody in the fake on-screen audience laughed.  Everybody in the real  local audience was a little confused, but laughed after the fake audience laughed.

When he was done with the first part of his sermon, he started talking about money.   Well, he had been talking about money all along really, but now he started talking about the audience giving money.  Here’s what I learned:

  • The Rainier Valley Mars Hill church gave the least amount of tithes and offerings, and they need to do better.  It was on a huge graph comparing them with the other Mars Hill churches.  Lake Samamish was the best.  Ballard was in the middle.
  • Mars Hill is getting lots of money (praise the lord) but it’s short of its goal by a million bucks, because it’s only at about 92% of the goal amount.  Everyone give to get us past that 8%!
  • They need an additional $475,000 to open a church in Everett, and another amount (I didn’t write down) to open a church in Tacoma.
  • There aren’t bibles or hymnals in the pews, but there are cards that can be filled out, postage guaranteed, where you can make a donation by putting in your credit/debit card, VISA, Amex, Discover, MasterCard, enclose a check, and even sign an authorization for a “recurring gift” on the 5th of the month, the 20th of the month, or the 5th and the 20th of the month.

The card says:

Our time, our treasure, and our talents are all generous gifts from our generous God.  Because of this, we give cheerfully, regularly, and sacrificially of our finances as part of our worship to Him.  We strive to steward these gifts well through this church so that more people can meet Jesus (2 Corinthians 8-9).

It’s all about Jesus.

My interpretation:  The only way to improve the world is to spread the word through expanding the church.  And to do that, we need money.  It’s all about Je$u$.

After the video screens went up, eighteen people (I counted them) walked around with Kentucky-Fried Chicken sized paper buckets collecting tithes.  And the flock was generous.

The last thing I participated in was Communion, where we lined up in one of eight lines to dip a cookie into a cup of wine and eat it.  The cookie would have been fine by itself, being, I think, some kind of pecan sandy or similar shortbread.  But the wine made it kind of weird and sour.  I didn’t enjoy my transubstantiation experience.

By then, I had had enough.  I left, while something that sounded a lot like the wailing guitars of Where the Streets Have No Names was playing with a young Bono-sounding guy belting out a song to God.

So, I mentioned in the top of this post that I was angry.  Why?  Because this church has no redeeming value.  Pun intended.  But it is very successful, and quite wealthy.  It’s attendees are fooled into thinking that spending their hard-earned treasure in this way will get them into heaven.  They have been duped.  The people who run this church are flim flam artists, and this upsets me.

I was expecting a fundamentalist church with which I wouldn’t agree.  I know they believe that women shouldn’t hold positions of authority over men, and that the bible is literally true.  I did not expect it to be a money scam.

Score:
Being good to your fellow human: 0 (no mention)
Help your community: -1 (discourages charity)
Be good to yourself: 0 (no mention)
Good and timely advice: -1 (giving money will make you happy)

Total: -2.

29 thoughts on “Mars Hill Church

  1. Too bad Pastor Mark is unable to recognize the sheer income disparity between Rainier Valley and Lake Samamish. A simple comparison based solely on the cost of living in the two areas would perfectly highlight the enormous income disparity of the region.

  2. Thanks for the review. FYI, there’s no fake audience in the videos. The sermons are recorded at a real Sunday service at one of the locations (it varies), then played back the next week at the rest of the locations.

      • I have personally been apart of it and yea its live and then played back. its a great way for a pastor to reach people in another state or another city. its simply another campus.I respect that your going to these churches and checking them out.

        on your note about spending their money will get them into heaven, i can assure you that, That is not something anyone there believes. and if you heard any of his other messages you could know that. Its by grace we are saved not by works. we cant buy our way to heaven and we will never be good enough. Christ has already paid what we owe and that’s what He preaches.

        I hope that whatever reason for you going to these church, you would find what your looking for.

  3. You should be ashamed of yourself. I can only hope that anyone who reads this nonsense donated enough to the church this week to absolve themselves of your sinful words. If not, they should definitely double up their efforts next week, especially in Rainier Valley.

  4. I actually attended the same service, though at the Bellevue location (I imagine it’s smaller than the Ballard location but more “wealthy”). I really appreciated and enjoyed your review of it, because I, too, am an atheist and had decided to join some friends of mine who attend the church to form my own opinion about Mars Hill. You are spot-on about the Rock-N-Roll music, and the technology-forward/”hip” feel of the service, but I would encourage you to attend another service sometime in the future to get a feel for how incredibly self-centered and offensive Pastor Mark can be in his sermons. I have constantly heard him preach about how HIS church is the only REAL church and everyone else is “wrong”. I have heard him constantly preach about how homosexuality is wrong; men and women who don’t get married and have kids aren’t following God’s plan and are instead selfish for deciding to not have kids. The sermon he gave on Acts that week was relatively mild compared to what I’ve heard in the past.

    Thanks for this post. It was really reassuring and inspirational for me, as an atheist in a world/family of Catholics/Christians.

  5. You did not have to note that you are an atheist. It is apparent by your interpretation of the sermon that Mark preached. I can confirm the sermons are preached live 1 week prior to a real church congregation of actual people at the Bellevue location before they are shown on the screens in the other 13 locations just to spoil your laugh track theory. You can go to Bellevue yourself to witness that if you do not like to believe what people write – like how you do not want to believe the Bible… Pastor Mark gets a lot of critics because he preaches what it says in the Bible, he does not sugar coat it to make people happy. I understand you do not believe what the Bible says (unless it helps you with an argument I guess by your quoting of scripture above) so you might be confused by the message. I wouldn’t encourage you to listen in to a cricket game on the radio and write in your blog about how little sense it made to you if you have no prior knowledge of cricket. …you seem hung up on people giving money and Pastor Mark talking about the giving (you pick on the book store of all things) but you did absolutely no research about what Mars Hill Church does with the money given. Mark even mentioned in the sermon you are reviewing that Mars Hill Church is providing bibles and books on doctrine in Spanish and Amharic (for Ethiopians) for free to people in countries that can not afford to buy them. People who give money to Mars Hill love where the money goes. You wouldn’t want to mention that in a post about how bad Mars Hill Church is though, you just want to paint the picture that all the money is spent on the fancy building… do you know what a mega church building normally looks like? You should google image some. The fact that you walked away angry because you believe people who go to Mars Hill and give their money are being duped into thinking that is why we believe we are going to spend eternity with Jesus in heaven is laughable. It sounds like your money is your god and you couldn’t imagine giving it to anyone unless it in turn helps you – Money is not God for followers of Jesus and we do not think we are earning anything or helping ourselves by giving. …take some of your precious money with you, go back to Mars Hill Church, buy a Bible – read the book of John and Romans – only those two books. You will bow your knee to Jesus when you die – either in praise or to beg for mercy.

    • Andrew, what you said about Ethiopia is exactly what Mark was complaining about. Its “charity” that only promotes the church. The people there would much rather have rice than Bibles, but Driscoll won’t give them anything they need for life on earth. Its just like the Earthquake in Haiti. Dricoll rebuilt churches, but did he rebuild schools, houses, or hospitals? His church is like an expanding virus designed only to make itself bigger and bigger.
      Oh and Spanish bibles are such a good investment. Gotta convert those Catholics don’t we.
      Also the blogger Mark’s observations are not akin to him trying to describe a cricket game. We atheists are mostly former Christians and most of us know more about the Bible than actual Christians. We’re atheists because we questioned the bible. We read it the same way we read the Iliad.
      And though we don’t believe in the Buy Bull we like to use verses against you non-the-less. We like to use verses that preach tolerant against intolerant Christians. We use the verses that promote generosity towards greedy charlatans like Mark Driscoll.
      Do yourself a favor and get out of that cray cray cult.

    • I forgot to add this. Yes he may record in front of a live audience, but you said he records it a WEEK in advance. Does it not occur to you that the audio might be tweaked some in post production. Any wrestling fan will comment on the audio differences between the live Raw and the pre-taped Smackdown. In Raw the cheers are more predictable, good guys are often booed, and profanity laced chants get through. None of this ever happens on the pre-taped Smackdown.
      The Blogger talked about how his audience’s reactions were different from the taped audience’s. Either the taped folks there have completely different sense of humor, or the audio was tweaked. I doubt there is a microphone turned specifically on the audience. As they say in the wrestling world. “Their cheers were piped in.”

    • i dont mean to be rude. i have enjoyed mars hill when i went there, somewhat. however, i would rather go to a church that helped their own community/congregation above other countries. kind of how i feel about america. when i went, i decided not to give money. i went there pregnant, with nowhere to go, hardly any finances, nothing..and noone was willing to help. one girl prayed for me. i would feel horrible being a part of a church where people dont help each other out, and instead help out strangers with books. thats what america seems to becoming, though, as long as they dont see it or experience it, its fine, not a big deal to them. i understand the need for other countries to hear about God…but theres also a need at home and neglecting needs at home can lead to abandonment of God and Gods people. just saying. but, if you dont neglect people at home, they will give back. mark my words. they will be uplifted, and feel its only right to give back what theyve received. so, those people who need books will end up getting them in the end. i think her main point was that the sermon shouldnt be focusing on money, it should be focusing on God and his love, his greatest commandments, which is loving thy neighbor. money isnt the greatest commandment at all. but when you make a sermon all about money..it seems very self serving and far out from Gods original plan and main goals. if you love on people, theyll want to love back. you shouldnt even have to mention money but momentarily one time. say something like oh theres tithe boxes at the back if youd like to give, no pressure, and we are going to be spending it on xyz. or you could even leave that part out!

  6. As a recovering Christian and a former attendee of Mars Hill (back when they just had the one big building in Ballard and no video feed) I can confirm that Mark is generally an arrogant piece of shit. However, his sermons were rarely about giving money (I remember him doing that one time and it was a bit off-putting). Sounds like things have changed a lot. Crazy that they have turned it into a competition between campuses.

    And as a reply to Andrew Elder (@AceSr216), I’d like to point out that giving people Bibles doesn’t really help them. Sure, in your belief, it could help them get into heaven, but what those people could really use right now is probably food, clean water, and medical help. Or even better, help with their economy so they can provide said things for themselves. Also, most of the money you give to the church goes to running it and expanding to new locations where they can suck in more money. I wonder how much Mark pulls in a year. Too bad such things aren’t disclosed. When I stopped going to church I decided to give the 10% of my income which I had been tithing to the church to charities that actually help people.

  7. I think its hilarious an atheist with an already biased view is writing reviews on this type of institution but here we go. I would just like to discuss a few points. First of all how are you surprised that a church is against homosexuality. It’s not accepted really in our society by modern institutions…yet. Until the Pope recognizes it, good luck finding a church that accepts that type of sexuality. Not that it is relevant at all. That’s God judgement not his to make. Institutions are not perfect unfortunately and follow the majority of public opinion.

    Second donating is not an obligation. Name a charity that donates 100% of its tithes to it’s intentions. Most “charities” keep most of the money for “good causes.” I admit Mars Hill is verging on “corporate” but then again what church doesn’t ask for money. Oh they want to use it to expand? I wouldn’t have guessed that they would want to spend money on that.

    Third, not everyone will like Pastor Mark Driscoll. He is a person delivering his interpretation of the Bible, I don’t like everyone either but I’m listening to his message. An incredibly powerful message of forgiveness and serenity. He says prayer is the key to heaven and following the 10 Commandments. How did you get the idea that money was the key? I haven’t met a more charismatic pastor at a church before who is engaging, and actually uses intelligent humor.

    Finally, the rock music isn’t for everyone but it’s better than traditional organ music. Mars Hill is a close community and when you walk in you feel accepted and the people there for the most part will befriend you The best way to challenge your beliefs is listen to others with an open mind.

    Atheism to me is those who want to believe in God but have doubt. Doubt is part of your faith and its understandable. Atheism is not a religious belief but a limbo-state in your faith journey. Some people will never accept a higher plan, a higher power. In a world full of chaos and suffering one can become callous. Open your mind, open your heart. Set aside your petty differences and critiques of Mars Hill. Its not about “getting to heaven.” It’s about living a life full of joy where you have no regrets. This is a path to that destination. I challenge anyone to attend Mars Hill for a year with an “unbiased” view and see if you change your mind.

  8. “I think its hilarious an atheist with an already biased view is writing reviews on this type of institution but here we go. ”

    Everybody’s biased. As are you, quite obviously. And you don’t find it hilarious, or you’d be laughing. Instead, you’re criticizing and disagreeing. So, perhaps you find it annoying? Irritating? Wrong? Certainly not hilarious. Why is it so many religious folks say the opposite of what they mean?

    “First of all how are you surprised that a church is against homosexuality.”
    Answer: I’m not. I wasn’t being surprised, I was being critical. The only thing I was surprised about was that they were serving coffee. That was a pleasant surprise, and next to the music, the best part of being there.

    “It’s not accepted really in our society by modern institutions…yet. ”
    Yes it is. I live in Seattle. Our mayor is gay and married to another man. We elected him. It doesn’t get any more accepting than that. Admittedly, Seattle is much more liberal, godless, and gay-friendly than most other places. But here, being homophobic is abnormal.

    “Second donating is not an obligation. Name a charity that donates 100% of its tithes to it’s intentions.”
    The American Red Cross has funds into which you donate that go 100% towards a specific project. So does Toys for Tots, and Doctors Without Borders. I don’t know of any religious charity that does this, but it’s normal for secular charities to allow you to donate to a specific project without any of your money going to support infrastructure, overhead, or salaries.

    For example, the Mormon church has a statement on their tithing form that says that they will try to use your money the way you want them to, but they may end up using it for other purposes. That’s not a problem for me, because they spell it out up front. I know that if I donate to the Mormon church, some of that money may go for their political lobbying. I’m thankful that they let me know that. Mars Hill doesn’t. And, since they’re a church, they don’t have to make public how they use that money. For example, they recently used their money to buy up Driscoll’s books en masse to give him a sales boost and put his books on the New York Times bestseller’s list. That was an unethical thing to do, and they did it with donor money. It’s perfectly legal for them to do that, and not tell anyone. The Red Cross wouldn’t be able to do that, because as a secular charity, they’re subject to more regulation.

    “…An incredibly powerful message of forgiveness and serenity. ”
    I have attended Mars Hill several times, and I’ve never heard anything about serenity or forgiveness. So, if he’s preaching that, he’s doing it when I’m not there. Misogyny, sure. Obedience, definitely. Asking for money, absolutely. Insulting women from other denominations? Yep. No forgiveness though. No serenity either.

    That’s a common thing, and actually the reason I went to all those churches. The pastors actually don’t preach what the faithful claim they preach. What they say, and what they claim to be saying, are not the same thing. And that’s not just a Mars Hill thing. Might be related to that weird thing I mentioned earlier where religious folks sometimes say the opposite of what they mean.

    “Finally, the rock music isn’t for everyone but it’s better than traditional organ music. ”
    I don’t think you read my posts about Mars Hill completely. I thought the music was great. I never complained about it. In fact, I kind of raved about it. Also, I like good organ music too. There’s no accounting for taste.

    “Atheism to me is those who want to believe in God but have doubt.”
    You’re not using the same definition of Atheism that actual Atheists use. Someone who wants to believe in God but has doubt can be a Christian, or an Agnostic, or a Deist. But Atheists don’t believe in God.

    “Atheism is not a religious belief but a limbo-state in your faith journey.”
    It’s simpler than that. Atheism is the lack of faith. Nothing more, really. I don’t believe in God in the same way you don’t believe in the Easter Bunny. There is no faith journey. Not anymore. I’ve come to the end of it.

    “Some people will never accept a higher plan, a higher power.”
    I would. If God actually existed, he could easily, quickly, and simply turn all Atheists into true believers. It wouldn’t require much effort on his part at all. Just provide a little proof. And I mean real proof. Not “the fact that you’re alive at all is a miracle” bullshit non-proof. But I mean, a real bona fide miracle. If that ever happened, smart people would start believing. But you and I both know that will never happen. Because deep down, you kind of know that God isn’t real, don’t you? Believing, for the true believer, is more about belonging to the tribe. It’s wearing the team jersey and rooting for the home team. It’s about self identity and belonging.

    I get it. It’s a very human thing.

    “… I challenge anyone to attend Mars Hill for a year with an “unbiased” view and see if you change your mind.”

    There’s no such thing as an unbiased view. We are a collection of our judgments, insights, and biases. One shouldn’t jettison one’s wisdom for the sake of conforming to someone else’s misguided view of “open minded.”

    Being open minded doesn’t mean agreeing with someone. Being open minded means being thoughtful, and using reason. Close-minded folk are often telling me to come ’round to their way of thinking and calling it “being open minded.”

    I am open minded. That’s what led me to ditching Christianity in the first place, after years of adhering to it.

  9. I have an interest in different denominations so I appreciate this post. I’ve met several who go to MH but never heard of it til I moved to Seattle. My boss tried to convince me to leave my church to go to MH–not happening!

    Amused by his Pentecostal comment…unless he is referring to the Charismatic Pentecostals he’s way off! Most conservative Pentecostal women don’t wear any makeup at all.

  10. It is nice that an atheist took a chance and tried to find out how a pentacostal church operates. I am however sad that even though you painted an accurate review of ur experience, that church or its organisers have really fallen from its first love. It is ironic that Mars Hill published a book on Acts. A chapter in that shows that when the people laid down their money on the apostles feet, the money was distributed amongst the congregation so NONE OF THEM were in need. THEY actually practised communal living. they shared all the proceeds. Please if you want to know Jesus Christ, do not go to one of this hyped up churches. I bet the pastor there did not fully investigate the commandment about tithing GIVEN ONLY TO THE ISRAELITES AT THAT TIME TO SUPPORT THE LEVITES who have been put aside by God to know the commandments n teach them to the people. And money was never part of tithing because it was MAN MADE! Also the correct percentage was not 10% It was 33+% The church does not pertain to buildings which Christ Himself will destroy on His return. Jesus Christ simply offers all of us sinners a way out of eternal damnation. He does not care about our money but our souls, our faith in Him. I also belong in a church. But ours is small n we do not aim to dominate the world by building structures. Our aim is to bring repentant individuals truly seeking a way out from their sinful lives. Who have acknowledged that they have lied, blasphemed God through their actions, hurt others n themselves in the process. Who are willing to deny their worldly lusts for the truth. One scientist I know said that “everything we see are made up of things we don’t see.” That is so true if you understand quanti physics. Everything is made up of vibrating neutrinos that made up the atoms. If that vibration stops, then what happens? Who designed the single cell which is a machine on its own? We are mortal beings limited to a number of years of existence, our brains are limited, even the geniuses of this world cannot say that they have 10% of the knowledge in the world. Could it be that God’s existence is on the rest. And all you have to do is call on Him with all your heart and soul. May you give the Bible another chance and on behalf of that church you visited, please accept my sincerest apologies. This is anyway the End Times.

  11. Hilarious article!

    One nitpick though:”I didn’t enjoy my transubstantiation experience.” Driscoll is a Calvinist, and emphatically does NOT believe in transubstantiation. He should know, he’s a fallen away Catholic and would never bring Popery into his holy warehouse.

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